Jeff’s Voice; Waiting

Well, the final filing on my case has been before the trial court for several months now.

I wonder how long it will take for the court’s decision, or rather, their compliance with the Mississippi Supreme Court’s unanimous order for me to be able to pursue the new evidence in my case? How long should this take? How long should it take for the court to take advantage of this opportunity to set right all that is wrong?

It’s been FOURTEEN YEARS since this nightmare began, and throughout the hellish duration of this appellate process the most difficult part of it all is the waiting. The waiting between a final filing and a court’s decision. It’s the realization that I’ve done and said what I can within the bar set by the Mississippi Supreme Court in the the filing, and now it’s out of my control and in someone else’s hands.

This portion of time could drive me crazy. Truly. Not because I don’t have confidence in the filing, but because I generally lack confidence in the decision making process. The anxiety I experience is drawn from the thoughts of whether or not the decision makers are fair or even care about the truth or facts. Sadly, all too often the “facts” do not reflect the truth, and truth and justice have little in common. Even sadder is that this has been my experience throughout the entire process.

It is nothing short of this; because of my ignorance of medical science I could not explain why I am innocent, thus unable to meet the burden of proof improperly placed on me. Therefore, as the state argued to the jury, my inability to explain “it” was the proof of my guilt.

Throughout the appellate process the oppositions line of defense has been nothing but direct factual contradictions and a line of Catch-22’s.

I’ve digressed a bit from what I wanted to say about the waiting. Like the song says, “the waiting is the hardest part”.  Also, with a play on words from another song, “this waiting turns hours into days”. Torturous.

It seems the more favorable to me the evidence becomes, the more dilatory the process becomes.

Somehow, though, I’ve remained hopeful in the process of justice and truth. That they will eventually prove to be one and the same.

And I’m still waiting…


I would like to mention that February 21st marked the anniversary of the accident and Chloe’s death. If only we could have that one second in time back again…

About Lori Howard

I have long searched for my purpose in life and have come to realize that my calling is to advocate for the wrongfully convicted. I AM relentless.
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1 Response to Jeff’s Voice; Waiting

  1. Jonny Carlos says:

    My Brother. I know the last few years have been the worst. Don’t give up the fight now. I’ve kept you in my prayers always. And will continue to do so. Stay strong brother for the last hurdle. You didn’t make it this far to not make the finishing line. I like So Many other’s. Patiently await your homecoming. You day MUST be soon. God bless you brother. May God over see your last leg of this journey.
    A friend. A Follower. A Believer….
    Jonny Carlos


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